


chatoyer

by ynjunwhore



Series: home [1]
Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Acceptance and Love, Angst, Body Dysphoria, Bullying, Character Study, Coming Out, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Choi Yeonjun, Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Soft Choi Yeonjun, and homophobic comments, but not that slow, he/they/she pronouns for yeonjun, kind of soft??, no beta we die like men, raaaa yeonjun genderfluid!!, some transphobic comments from ppl, soobin and yeonjun like each other a lot, they r ok!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:14:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28099755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ynjunwhore/pseuds/ynjunwhore
Summary: The first time he hears about the term genderfluid, he has been doing research about identities and labels and how everyone is different, yet there are people who are alike in so many ways.The word sticks out on his screen, and he runs through many, many articles that make him blink in wonder.Hefeels that way. A lot.or, the desperately needed yeonjun!genderfluid fic i've been wanting to write since basicallyforever.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu & Choi Yeonjun, Choi Soobin & Choi Yeonjun, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun, Choi Yeonjun & Huening Kai, Choi Yeonjun & Kang Taehyun
Series: home [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2065671
Comments: 26
Kudos: 188





	1. to think, to learn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today, it is a burden. It makes their eyes feel heavy and their heart beat in a panic.
> 
> They aren't sure what is wrong.
> 
> Only that something is off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is oficially my legacy. Thank you.

At first, the feeling is like a small palm against the back of his neck. Persistent, and uncomfortable, but nothing alarming to him. He _is_ just six, after all. Although, he always has always been somewhat of a perceptive and cunning child.

(His mom _loves_ to brag about his grades and his reading level. Says it's bullets she can use against the other moms when they get a little too cocky. Yeonjun doesn't mind, for the most part.)

His new friends are nice, a little dumb and a little younger than him, but Yeonjun likes them nonetheless. They play with him, no questions asked, and invite him to their houses too often to be anything other than an eager hand of friendship offered prematurely.

Kai has a sister, an older one, and Yeonjun finds himself watching her as she plays around with her mother's makeup. Patting her cheeks with pink dust she calls blush, painting her lips ruby red and her eyelids a pale green. It's not the most artistic thing ever, but Yeonjun appreciates the effort put into it.

He trails after her like a baby duckling, eager to learn more about this so called makeup and those sparkly pink shirts and shorts she wears and calls fashion.

She pats his head and, with the young ignorance of gender stereotypes and disapproval of adults for this type of thing, allows him to sit in her bed as she brings out various outfits.

One is a dress. White and spotless as a virgin mary, complete with a neckline heavy with pearls and layers of fabric stacked upon one another on the bottom. Lea tells him she once wore it to a wedding, and Yeonjun asks eagerly if he can try it on.

She says yes.

He comes out of the closet clad in the dress, fabric hanging off his frame like an ill fitting glove. Slipping off his shoulders and down his arms as Lea compliments him, but mutters that _it's not your size, maybe we should buy another one._

The first time Yeonjun wears a dress, he is six and still growing.

He never stops.

It is a gradual change, a small tip of the scale that just keeps on pressing down bit by bit, until everything spills and all Yeonjun has left is the bare, painful truth.

Yeonjun is genderfluid. (But that term? Yeonjun doesn't learn about that label until much, much later. For now, Yeonjun is _"a confused soul stuck in a useless sack of meat."_ )

Her mom seems to understand without Yeonjun having to say a word.

She lets Yeonjun wear lipgloss, lets her put on sparkly pink shorts and purple flipflops. Lets Yeonjun put on blush, horribly uneven, and wear hair clips that look too pretty to ignore. When Yeonjun goes out and asks her mom why the other kids at her school look at her like _that,_ Yeonjun's mom tries for a smile, eyes sad as she explains something seven year old Yeonjun struggles to understand.

_People dislike things they can't put into boxes. They dislike things that they can't understand-- even if those things aren't harmful or dangerous. They think that because you don't fit in with what they think you should be, you aren't worth knowing._

Yeonjun stares up at her, kid eyes big and blinking rapidly as she tries to process the words. 

Her mom's fingers run along the soft strands of Yeonjun's short, untamed hair. Her smile goes a little brighter, her eyes a little more hopeful as she sits Yeonjun down on the worn out couch. "But remember," she says gently. "You aren't wrong, or weird. You are _just_ you, and whatever anyone else thinks doesn't matter because I will _always_ love you. No matter what."

Yeonjun nods, because she is seven and still just a kid and that is what she has been taught to do when an adult gets serious.

Yeonjun nods, because she is seven and young but she _understands._ Mom loves her, and all those other staring kids can shove it. Their mildly irritating remarks shouldn't matter.

At seven years old, Yeonjun's mom figures out something her child hasn't yet. And it is okay.

Because no matter what, Yeonjun is still Yeonjun, and Yeonjun is the best child she could have asked for.

They are eight and the slight pressure becomes a slightly more painful buzz they can't figure out.

Sometimes, it fades when they wear certain clothes, or sit a certain way, or are told certain things. Sometimes, it intensifies when someone refers to them a certain way, or makes them wear a certain accessory, or mutter a rushed sentence that leaves them perplexed and confused as they try to figure out what it is that makes them feel wrong.

Sometimes, it is caused by nothing at all, and sometimes, everything seems to make it worse.

They tell their mom about the buzz, and she seems concerned, and tells them to inform her whenever it happens.

They don't, but only because their mom looks so worried and scared when they mention it. She asks them if it has faded, and for the first time in their life, they lie to her and say it has.

She doesn't seem convinced. She never does. But Yeonjun is good at making people believe them. The big eyes, the honest smile, and they are goners.

This starts a new chapter in their life. One in which they start noticing that they are different from the other kids.

The other moms catch sight of them wearing girl clothes and mutter indignantly under their breaths, forgetting that although Yeonjun is still a kid, they have ears and are the nosiest child around. _... completely innapropiate for a boy to ... his mother should know better ... a good belt should fix him up_ _..._

They do not know why those people say such things, until a stuck up girl from a grade above shoves them in the sandbox and asks why they wear stuff that clearly isn't meant for someone like _him._

The word feels strange, foreign and tainted as they repeat it in their head. Like it doesn't fit quite right. It rolls around in their mind until they're being pushed once again and the girl walks away, shaking her head and muttering something about God's forgiveness. 

They try the word out loud, say it until their stomach turns and their arms shake and _yet--_

It feels wrong that day.

The day before, it had been okay. It had fit like a hair clip excitedly placed on his hair. It had made them feel _good._

Today, it is a burden. It makes their eyes feel heavy and their heart beat in a panic.

They aren't sure what is wrong.

Only that _something_ is off.

He is not used to feeling so grown up. Nine and with more options than he had at six.

He is obsessed with legos, and it does not go unnoticed by his father. Dad tells him he is a grown boy now, practically a man, and Yeonjun laughs and shoves him playfully.

The other girls still make fun of him, and the boys look at him strangely save for the four friends he made years ago. But it doesn't matter. Yeonjun is who he is and that won't change.

His mother tries to put on some blush on his cheeks that morning and Yeonjun panics. He doesn't want it. Not today, anyways. It feels like mark on his skin where his mother managed to rub it on him. But he wipes it away quickly and hopes his mother doesn't question him. Because he doesn't have an answer.

Only that it feels wrong and it makes his skin feel too tight and his arms feel rubbery. The tingling is more of a pinprick of pain, and the buzzing has upgraded to a full on wave crest. Shores in his head crash and crash and--

He puts on different clothes and changes his posture. It helps a little.

He goes out and he smiles and laughs and he gets so many presents and even though the other parents give him small, strange looks, he has a good time. His mother is puzzled, but she goes along with it because she loves him, even if she does not understand him.

Many of the presents are boy toys, like plastic cars and battery run robots that make weird noises when you press the button on their bellies. But there is one that catches his attention. One that Soobin gives to him with a shy smile and a small hug.

The others, Kai and Taehyun and Beomgyu, giggle as they stuff their faces with early cake. Mouths full as they all shout, "Happy birthday!"

This present is from all four of them. It is a set of legos that Yeonjun has been wanting for a long, long time.

He pretends he doesn't cry.

He fails.

At ten, there is a huge difference from the other years. Yeonjun wears a skirt to school one day and her teacher calls her parents. They come and talk and Yeonjun is told to wait outside the office if she doesn't want to hear it.

She doesn't, but because the walls are thin and Yeonjun has good hearing, she does anyways.

_No-- yes we understand but-- an infatuation with clothes that aren't meant for his gender? please you-- it could cause serious damage for the kids here if-- yes, but the boys here could have the belief that it's okay for-- mm, alright. we'll talk with the principal about-- an agreement could be arranged later._

She tries to forget the words. She can't.

Her mother says Yeonjun can no longer wear a skirt to school. When Yeonjun asks why, her mother hesitates and says that the school won't allow (she hesitates again here) boys to wear girl clothes.

Yeonjun blinks. "Why?" She asks innocently. She isn't sure that her mother is telling the truth, but she wants to know why exactly she can't wear things that make her feel comfortable.

Her mother tugs at her jacket, anxiously trading looks with her husband as Yeonjun waits patiently for an answer.

"Look," Yeonjun's father cuts in. "You know how Soobin always wears clothes that you call _boy clothes_?"

Yeonjun nods. She knows.

"Well," her father continues. His hands land on her shoulders gently, as if he's about to say something that will hurt her. Yeonjun is tough though, not much can have her broken and sobbing. She toughens up now too. "Some people— _not us_ don't give me that look— are raised with certain beliefs. Some say that because you were born with boy parts, you should wear certain clothes. That's what your teacher told us."

Yeonjun blinks again. She looks down at her skirt and raises her eyebrows. "That's dumb." She comments.

Her father laughs, eyes soft as he gazes at Yeonjun fondly. "Yes, it really is kiddo. But we can't do anything to fix it."

So Yeonjun loses half her comfort and dependence.

But it's okay. She'll deal.

(Spoiler: She doesn't deal.)

Soobin becomes a large part of his life at eleven. Yeonjun finds himself drawn to Soobin, the boy that is a year younger than him and still, unexplicably, somehow wiser. Soobin doesn't mind when Yeonjun wears skirts or sparkly purple shirts. He doesn't care when Yeonjun wears all black and calls it modern fashion.

Yeonjun asks him why Soobin doesn't judge him like the other kids do, and Soobin shrugs. "You're still just Yeonjun to me," he says during a sleepover, words slurring as he falls into a deep sleep.

Yeonjun feels strangely happy about those words.

He thinks that maybe it has something to do with how Soobin just looks at his mixed closet and says it looks like an art museum. 

He picks out an outfit and Soobin either boos or nods in satisfaction at it. It's a strangely fun game, and Yeonjun laughs uncontrollably when Soobin wrinkles his nose and is forced into Yeonjun's too small clothes. Because even at eleven, Soobin is taller than Yeonjun.

"I'm glad you're my friend." He mutters under his breath one day, cheeks flaming red. Soobin isn't supposed to hear it, but Yeonjun still flushes with embarrasement as soon as the words tumble out from his mouth.

"Me too." Soobin whispers.

And they are friends. Best friends.

Yeonjun doesn't think about how feelings like those aren't something you feel for a friend.

"You're not exactly easy to forget." Beomgyu says as he rolls his eyes. Ten to Yeonjun's twelve.

Yeonjun grins. They're proud of it. Of their ability to be _remembered._

"I know." They say simply, and Beomgyu narrows his eyes. His lips quirk up into a small smile. "I didn't mean it in a _good_ way, dumbass." He says in an exasperated voice, and Yeonjun sticks their tongue out.

It is good to have Beomgyu as a friend. He's a bit weird and crazy, but Yeonjun finds it endearing. They like that Beomgyu feels no shame in being who he is, or doing what he does. They like his carefree view on life. He isn't like the other kids, mean and nosy. He's just... he's just Beomgyu.

"I like your hair." He comments, eyes glued to the way Yeonjun's hair is just shy of brushing their shoulders. Yeonjun likes it too. Not too long, but not too short. It makes them feel right, which is such a rare feeling these days.

"Thanks." Yeonjun says dryly, eyeing Beomgyu's messy bedhair meaningfully. Beomgyu squawks indignantly, making a small, dramatic wounded noise that makes Yeonjun sigh. "Hey! This is something called _style._ " He says, feigning hurt.

Yeonjun snorts, but accepts it nonetheless. 

Silence falls for a few minutes, and they continue reading their book, head snapping up when they feel someone staring.

Taehyun has come into the tree house, eyes wide and sharp as he stares at Yeonjun. Eventually, he shrugs and climbs on top of the small beanbag next to Yeonjun, fingers reaching out as if to touch Yeonjun's hair.

Yeonjun smiles, and Taehyun reaches out and strokes their hair.

It feels nice.

They feel nice.

And that day is the first day where Yeonjun learns that so much acceptance is such a gem to have. Such a blessing to feel.

They love and they find and they realize:

True friends will stick by you no matter what.

The first time he hears about the term genderfluid, he has been doing research about identities and labels and how everyone is different, yet there are people who are alike in so many ways.

The word sticks out on his screen, and he runs through many, many articles that make him blink in wonder.

_He_ feels that way. A lot.

All those experiences? All those feelings? Yeonjun relates to them so much that it physically hurts.

He keeps it quiet, the little freakout he has. Only minimally screaming and whimpering as he beats his fists against his thighs a few times. He's found a label that fits him, a name to all those days he spent wishing he were something else, someone different.

He goes home, and he does some more research. He likes what he finds. He relates to what he finds. And what he finds is an explanation and a community.

Yeonjun feels like he belongs.

Downstairs, he tells his mom everything. Starting from the day he wore Lea's dress to the few hours he spent researching indentities and labels. His mom hugs him and says, _okay. You're still my baby and I love you._

She asks questions and she frowns and she smiles and at the end of the day, she nods and kisses his forehead.

Yeonjun is still her child. And he loves her so, so much.

He has found himself.

At fourteen, there is another big realization that happens.

This time, it comes not because Yeonjun has been pushed into sandboxes or accused of being weird and snotty. It comes because Yeonjun is sitting at the dinner table with her mom and dad, feeling oddly down and unhappy.

Her dad stares at Yeonjun and Yeonjun thinks that maybe he's thinking of how proud he is of her, because the look in his eyes speaks of happiness and love. He is proud and he loves her just the way she is. And yet there is still a void in her chest. An ache that resonates in her bones.

Because, the truth is, she won't ever belong.

The words pop into her head, and her body feels too heavy all of a sudden. Her head feels foggy and her shoulders too squared and her body too angled where she wants there to be sprouting softness. She spirals.

She doesn't like her body. It is wrong. So, so wrong.

The world tunnels and all she can think about is how she should have never been born. That would have been better than this sick feeling of wrongness lingering inside her.

Every step hurts when she mutters a goodnight and throws herself onto bed. Closing her eyes and wishing for sleep that does not come easily.

And when she dreams, she dreams of not existing at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take a moment to consider: I am fifteen. Please for the love of _God_ don't leave "your writing is shit" comments.
> 
> Also!! Based off personal experiences <3


	2. to see, to feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small child totters up to him, around five or six, with big blinking eyes and a smile so wide it must hurt to wear.
> 
> He leans closer to Yeonjun, and Yeonjun bends down slightly so he can hear the kid better.
> 
> "I like boys too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second chapter, more angst, and more homophobic comments bc ppl are assholes

At fifteen, everything changes once again. Kids are cruel, and Yeonjun has always felt things deep in her soul. Cutting words digging harshly into her skin like sharp blades.

Kids are cruel, and life is even crueler.

She gets a therapist.

It helps somewhat. She is kind and sweet and nurturing and when Yeonjun cries, she offers her a tissue, no pity in her eyes. She is understanding. She tells Yeonjun that life has no specific route, no instruction manual, and that tackling it day by day is the best way to live.

School gets harder and she can't breathe and it is all so overwhelming because—

" _Freak!_ " 

" _Is it a boy or a girl?_ "

" _I wonder what's in its pants._ "

Yeonjun flinches at every look someone directs at her, at every distant brush of skin, at every crude gesture and word that the kids shove at her with an angry force much bigger than anything Yeonjun has ever mustered.

She grows taller, has to duck everytime someone throws something over her head, and she _hates_ it. Her body is too angular, too wide and boyish where she wants curves to start sprouting. Somedays, it makes her cry with disgust and self hatred.

She wears sweaters that engulf her whole frame, and it helps some.

The kids though, they don't stop. Every grimace and slouch of Yeonjun's body eggs them on, and she hears a dozen slurs a day. All of them coupled with vicious grins that make her want to throw up.

"Look," Someone whispers when she slides into her seat with her face turned down. "It's the fag. Wonder what the bitch hides beneath that skirt."

Another one snorts. A girl, bright eyed and cruel, shoots Yeonjun a disdainful glance. "Bet the tranny's got a penis under there. Must suck to be mentally ill." She sneers, not bothering to lower her voice.

Yeonjun's throat feels try, lungs constricted, an invisible hand squeezing her throat. Her brain feels frozen, denying the reality of her situation. Legs trembling as she tries and fails to get up.

The kids snicker, and a boy whistles. "Hey _baby,_ what's under that skirt? A pussy or a dick?"

She runs to the restroom, and the teacher calls after her.

_"... have to report him to the office."_

She throws up, knees on the dirty floor as her hair hangs around her. Her leggings get dirty, and she knows she'll meet a teacher later on that will scold her for wearing a _skirt_ when _he_ so clearly has a dick. 

Hands frantically searching for her phone, she clicks on her mom's number. Sobs stuck in her throat as she shakes on the bathroom floor, resigned to the hate and bullying already.

_"Sweetheart? What's wrong?"_

"P-please..." Yeonjun whispers, voice cracking brokenly with despair. "Come g-get me. I can't _do_ this!"

 _"... be there in five. Don't cry sweetie."_ Her mother pauses. _"Be a strong girl for me, okay?"_

Yeonjun nods, and then mutters a small yes when she remembers mom can't see her.

_"Good. Remember, mommy loves you baby."_

And Yeonjun throws up some more.

(Life is hard. Acceptance is not easily gained. In a world like this, it is a privilege. One that is only granted when you aren't a threat, or an unknown factor in people's equations.

Yeonjun is the latter.

She is strong, sure. But she is not invincible.

She— she is just simple.)

Growing up, Yeonjun had always dreamed of his sweet sixteen.

He dreamed of presents and balloons and (occasionally) strippers. He dreamed of wishing on a star for understanding and wisdom he didn't yet posess. He dreamed and dreamed and never gave up—

Today, the dream comes true.

His mother comes in, father fast on her heels as she strides towards him. "Pronouns?" She asks, and Yeonjun's chest warms. He grins, chest expanding with every elated breath he takes. "He and Him." Yeonjun comfirms.

Mom smiles brightly, eyes teary as she places her hands on his shoulders steadily and looks into his eyes. Sadness and joy shining in hers, the same exact color as his. He is his mother's son, her flesh and blood, and he is proud.

"You're so grown." She mutters, forehead crinkling as his father holds out a box. The one that holds his suit, not the one with the dress, and not the one with the cute overalls with fancy sparkles. That one was cute, but Yeonjun loves the suit.

"We'll leave you to get ready, now." She says softly, a pained smile on her lips as she hesitantly steps out of the room, father following her like a puppy after its owner. "You've made us so proud."

His father grins, holding up two thumbs up as he nods towards the blue box. "You're a man now." He says affectionately, and Yeonjun flushes. He pretends his eyes don't tear up, but he must fail, because his mother clasps her hands together and frowns softly.

"We'll be okay." She assures. "Just get ready and come out when you're ready to dazzle everybody."

Yeonjun rolls his eyes playfully, smiling wistfully at the mirror when the door shuts with a quiet click. He knows it makes him a bit of an airhead when he looks in that same mirror after he changes and thinks, _I'm growing up well._

He knows his features are somewhere between masculine harshness and pretty tugs of his genes, all in his youth, knows that with makeup and some editing, he could easily be mistaken for a cis female, and it makes him feel a little warm.

Later, when he feels female, he'll think back on this and positively _glow_ with pride. For now, he satisfies himself with smirking at his mirror self and whispering, _you're absolutely_ _ravishing._

The evening passes in a blur, and Yeonjun dances with too many people to count. Soobin, Taehyun, Beomgyu, and Kai among them. 

Soobin takes one look at him and smiles devishly.

_("Well, aren't you quite the cinderella today."_

_"I prefer prince charming myself."_

_"Then, if you don't mind, may I have this dance prince?"_

_"I don't see why not.")_

Seventeen is a milestone. It marks the end of their torment at highschool, because kids move on and nobody gives a shit anymore. They're nearing adult age already, and one more year means more time to think about their future. They aren't sure what they want to do, but they hope they figure it out soon.

"Hey," Soobin mutters under his breath as he slides in next to Yeonjun, fingers landing on the table instantly and tapping away nervously. "I need to talk to you about something."

Yeonjun blinks.

Usually, Soobin goes to Beomgyu. Because they both have that old soul shit going on and Yeonjun knows they stay up after midnight discussing life and the hardships of broken coffee machines. ( _"Jesus that was one time!"_ )

"Okay," they say slowly. "Shoot."

Soobin bites down on his lower lip, red and— nope, _nope,_ Yeonjun is not going there. 

"I think," Soobin starts carefully. "I think I might like boys... and girls."

Yeonjun blinks again. They seem to be doing a lot of that lately. "Okay, and...?" They make a vague waving motion with their hands, arching an eyebrow as a silent request for more information.

Soobin stares at them. "You don't care." He squeaks out, voice embarrasingly high. 

Yeonjun snorts. "Dude, I'm literally _genderfluid_ and I like _boys_. Why in the hell should I mind?" They gesture to their outfit, as if proving a point by wearing rainbow printed overalls. "I'm the definition of queer."

Soobin rolls his eyes, tension easing out of his shoulders as he gives them a hesitant smile. "That thing is horrible," he says with a fake shudder. "Throw the damn overalls _away._ "

Yeonjun smirks.

They know this is foolish— the whole crushing on Soobin thing. Feeling like the whole world lights up when he smiles. Dropping anything and anyone when something comes up and Soobin needs their help.

They don't care.

For now, they are happy. They've conquered dysphoria. They've kept their emotions under lock and key.

They can do this.

(No they can't. Don't trust a word that comes out of their mouth. Yeonjun has a horrible habit of lying to themselves.)

Graduation has passed.

It should scare him. It does not.

He knows it's supposed to be the biggest time of his life. Out of highschool, finally, and onto college. He works part time at a restaurant as a waiter, and his customers are always satisfied with his services. ( _No,_ not _those_ kinds of services you perverts.)

He is a good judge of character, knows when someone is a manipulative piece of shit with a penchant for icy coldness and smarts. Knows when someone is looking for kindness and comfort in the forms of smiles and soft words. He slips each mask on with ease, and every tip is generous. His parents support him. Life is _good._

So of course something has to ruin it. Of course.

Bolsterous laughter rings everywhere, and he can't breathe. Because it's _him,_ the asshole who pushed him down on his knees and told him that _little tranny bitches are just fuckin' sluts waiting to be put in their place—_

Nothing happened then, thank god, but Yeonjun is absolutely ruined for anything that requires him doing anything beyond a small bend of his knees. 

His body quivers as he nears the table, eyes blinking away the tears gathering already on the corners of his eyes, throat closing up as he tries to clear it with a cough.

Asshole Un-named™ turns to to face Yeonjun with a residing grin on his thin lips. He freezes for a second, recognition lighting up his cruel eyes as he scans Yeonjun's body like a shark getting ready to take a bite. "Well, well." He says loudly.

"If it isn't the gay little _fag._ " He sneers, and Yeonjun's knees shake, lips open as he seafches for an exit, any kind of exit—

"Seriously kid?" An incredulous adult turns to face them. "You're so fucking far up your own ass you can't read the room?"

It's cold. So cold.

Sympathetic gazes meet his own as he looks around at the duos and friend groups who have gone silent, spotting more than one same sex couple. He finds a bit of warmth flaring in his chest as they level his former bully with glares so harsh they could cut through concrete.

A small child totters up to him, around five or six, with big blinking eyes and a smile so wide it must hurt to wear.

He leans closer to Yeonjun, and Yeonjun bends down slightly so he can hear the kid better.

"I like boys too." The small boy whispers, eyes glimmering with secrecy as he leans back on his heels, hands clasped behind his back.

Yeonjun bursts into tears.

Nineteen comes too soon, and with it, the promise of a brand new life. One where prejudice won't stop her from succeeding at whatever she sets his mind to.

Soobin blushes everytime Yeonjun asks him to come over, and eagerly urges Yeonjun to move into his apartment complex when Yeonjun confesses she's gotten a new job and she needs someplace closer than her parents' home.

Plus, she's excited to explore this new world, and with it, the awaiting bachelors she'll no doubt find drunk off their asses at bars. (Okay, don't tell her parents that. She may be an adult, but she's still their kid.)

Soobin stutters and stammers and flushes and Yeonjun finds it adorable when she goes out in a slightly more revealing outfit and Soobin nearly faints. He's got a little crush on her, and she's elated.

This is what she's wanted for years, and the fears are pushed back into her mind when she reaches for him and—

Soobin's lips are soft and taste of home and safety. He is kind and sweet and he understands she needs an anchor, something to keep her from shattering into a million pieces of _broken._

He grabs her corseted waist harshly, grip tight and suffocating as he kisses her with fire and soul and so much _love._ She feels complete, and everything else fades as she focuses on everything that is _Soobin._

They stand there, Yeonjun craning her neck to look up at him because he's taller and bigger and Yeonjun _loves_ him so much it hurts to breathe.

"Yes." She whispers, answering the question hanging in the air.

Soobin kisses her.

Their people skills come in handy more than they can count.

They know who they can and cannot tell their identity to, know which assholes are gonna call them slurs and push them around until they break or fight back. They are wary of everyone they meet, even if friendly is the mask they wear.

Their mom used to say Yeonjun was not ready for the world.

Now? The world is not ready for Yeonjun.

They are a badass motherfucker and the other college students know it. They've become desirable, flirty and friendly and loud when needed. A good listener and an even better friend. The one you go to when you need to get wasted at three in the morning or simply sit under the stars and _talk._

Yeonjun is a force to be reckoned with at twenty, having faced all the prejudice and the bullying and the road to self discovery.

They have a locker. One where people throw letters in that hold their deepest secrets. Yeonjun has the locker watched twenty four seven, because they do not trust anyone not to break in and steal all those secrets like wealth that leads to opportunity.

They help others, and they change and they grow and finally—

_Yeonjun feels free. Like a bird with wide wings soaring through the sky with no obstacles._

_They are, finally, what they had always dreamt of._

Twenty one.

Yeonjun moves in with Soobin.

Soobin is warmth and safety and he accepts Yeonjun and does not expect him to change. He wakes up and asks politely for Yeonjun's pronouns and makes him breakfast and buys him cocktail dresses and emerald necklaces.

Soobin hugs him from behind and makes him breakfast and presses a kiss to his forehead before presenting a brand new suit that is tailored to Yeonjun's body.

Yeonjun loves Soobin.

Not because of his looks, or because he is wealthier than most, although those certainly are a bonus. (Soobin is basically his sugar daddy, Yeonjun realizes with growing horror and elation.)

Soobin was the first to accept him as he was. His best friend, his support, the one who defended him when the bullies overwhelmed him and the one who urged him to do the right thing.

So Yeonjun loves Soobin and Soobin accepts Yeonjun and—

It may not be a fairytale, but at least he has his prince.

(Althought Soobin likes to say Yeonjun is both the prince _and_ the princess.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so anyways!! this was very self indulgent at first— but so many people sent me anonymous messages/dms telling me how good the first chapter was and how validating and beautiful it felt for them so, thank you. This was something I'd been planning to write for months but hadn't found inspiration for, and now that I have– thank you. For reading this, for leaving kudos, for calling it beautiful.
> 
> YOU ARE ALL SO VALID!! [@milfcyj](https://mobile.twitter.com/milfcyj) is where you can find me if you have any questions or requests, or if you simply want to leave a comment. <3


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